new thought

Today was good. I got to go boating with my family. It was just like old times when I lived out on the lake. Just a reminder for me how nice I have some times. I got to go two and half meetings. It was okay.

I totally went out on a whim, I got hurt for no reason. I asked this man in the program to be my sponsor, well he said no. It surprised me that he said that. I thought sure. I understand him in a very intellectual way. Maybe because I thought I had no other way out. He told me that he had too many people right now. I said okay. But it hurt getting turned down. Or maybe he didn't want to deal with my junk. Either way it still hurt.

I just got done with fellowship. I learned that even if a person has many years in being sober, there is a possible feeling of being stuck. That is my miss conception on people in the program. I thought just because a person has many days longer than me that they have something more figured out than me. I was wrong. The worst part if the feeling wrong.

I don't know if I mentioned this but I was able to go to a Pride meeting. It was great. The thing of it was on expectations. Now that I look in hindsight, I was expecting all these people there that I had met. But it turned out that not alot people came that I didn't really know. They also made me feel uncomfortable. It was me. A great friend which I have been in contact with gave me awesome directions. I am thankful he was there to help settle me down. The expectations was that I would see all these people and the expectation was different. Hmm, think of that.