I went to hang out with my friends after the Saturday meeting. It was great. I got to talk about everything on my mind. It was good to hear some things. Since my sobriety, thinking clearly has been hard for me. I was able to hear that the blame I was putting on myself was a waste of energy. I wish I could know what my Korean mother was thinking. I realized that the reason I went to my addiction in the first place was to fit in.
This idea came so clear to me. It was like when I found that God's gift of Jesus salvation was totally free. I learned that at BLC. I had a hard time with that idea for a while. Back to the subject; my question is what do I do with what I learned? It has been up and down and so tough. I am just to pride full to ask for help. It is great that friends are there but it is quite different coming for support when you really need to listen.
Being clear is hard to know when to listen and pay attention. Ultimately I realized that I don't know what God wants for me. I can ask for guidance. I find it funny that everyone seems to come to me which is great, but I am not as tough as people really think I am. I was at a coffee shop with some girls. One wanted me to say good things about myself, I couldn't do it. I was thinking it was much easier to say things that are wrong. Believe me, I am not just being modest. Saying good things are hard. Why is that?
Blessings chad
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